Overcoming Fears & Phobias

Do you have a phobia? It could be anything that creates an overwhelming feeling as if you are in danger. Top phobias include the fear of spiders, snakes, heights, dogs, injections, flying, dirt, thunder and lightning.

One of the most common phobias, and mine, is the fear of public speaking, glossophobia. Even the thought of speaking in front of a physical audience can make my hands tremble, my body sweat, and suddenly I need the toilet repeatedly. 

In the past, when I have made myself stand up in front of people to speak, my mind goes blank, and I struggle even to get my name out, feeling awkward with every word.

The notes that I have written as an emergency become my crutch, reading the script word for word (often stumbling and losing my place) rather than speaking authentically from the heart.

It hasn't always been this way. I used to feel confident up on stage until forced to speak at an event ten years ago, with no preparation, about a topic I didn't know much about, leaving me frozen in front of an audience of people. I wanted the stage to swallow me up, I cried on my way home as I was so disappointed with myself, and I felt like the world was over at that moment (dramatic, I know, but that's how it felt!), and I have never truly recovered from the experience. 

I am not alone with this fear; experts estimate that 77% of the population has some level of anxiety regarding public speaking; of course, many people can manage and control this fear, but it holds some people back professionally and personally

Sharing is caring

I gave up drinking for a charity challenge in 2019 and choose to be sober 2.5 years on, believing that my life is better without it. I share my journey through blogging, this column and social media channels, but I am yet to stand up in front of an audience due to my fear.

A charity challenge changed my life for the better; if I can inspire one person due to sharing, it's worth it.

When I recorded my first vlog a couple of years ago, I felt so nervous - what if my mind blanks? What if people don't like me? Over time, this got easier and easier the more I did it, and now I enjoy doing them.

Recently I joined the audio-only app ClubHouse. People host live rooms; you can either listen in or participate in the conversation. I spent the first week listening before plucking up the courage to join a stage to speak. My face went red as the blood rushed to my head; I felt like my heart might come out of my mouth. Luckily the audience couldn't see me, and I received a lot of positive feedback. I soon found myself giving someone else the encouragement that they needed to come up onto the stage, offering them advice to do a few karate kicks in the air beforehand and to pretend that you were speaking to a friend on the phone, ignoring the faces in the audience.

The more I turned up, the more comfortable I got, and I now host a weekly room for sober or sober curious people to celebrate the highs and to hold space for the lows.

Everything gets easier with practice. Without doing, how will you improve? What is the worst thing that could happen? You will not die - I checked, and there are no reported deaths from public speaking!

The speakers that I look up to speak for a living. Comparison is not helpful; starting is helpful. 

I have tried breathing techniques and EFT, an emotional freedom technique where you tap through points on your body, helping to balance energy flow, releasing any blockages. In addition, I practise positive affirmations daily '

“I am confident, I speak with clarity, passion and love, my story makes a difference’.”

The Event

The Santander Work Cafe in town asked me to present as part of World Wellbeing Week. My first instinct was to turn the opportunity down, but I quickly changed my mindset, focussing on how I needed to push myself outside of my comfort zone. I spoke with John, the Work Cafe Director, about what I could present, and he was so encouraging, giving me the boost that I needed to commit.

I wrote the presentation over a year ago, and I am trying to feel excited rather than nervous about doing it in front of an audience. I have practised it repeatedly and have ditched the script, opting to speak from the heart with a few prompts along the way. I have to remember that people are coming to listen because they are interested in what I have to say or show support. It's my story, and I should be able to speak authentically from the heart.

After The Event

I did it! I overcame the fear.

I stood up in front of an audience of people at Santander Work Café, Jersey and presented my story.

I did so much preparation work and tapping to help with my nerves beforehand.

Once I found my flow, I really enjoyed it. Now I have done it; I feel confident about doing it again. Today, I feel like I replaced my traumatic experience ten years ago with a new positive one.

Yay! I am proud of myself.

Thank you to everyone who came to join me today. Sharing my story and helping others with their sober truth is my purpose.

I celebrated with a soberjo-hito in the sunshine with my new friend Emma. She has just launched a new alcohol-free online shop claritywines.je focused on wines in Jersey.

Cheers to feeling the fear and doing it anyway.

LOVING the alcohol free movement in Jersey, where I live, at the moment - some great things coming up.

BUZZING!