Don't be a booze bully

I was. I was the person at the bar questioning why you were there if you weren't drinking alcohol. 'Why wouldn't you want a drink?' 'Are you unwell?' 'Are you pregnant?' 'Are you on a diet?' 'Don't be a party pooper'. For me, there had to be a pretty good reason for why you would choose not to get involved and join in.

I'm not proud of this fact, but it is the truth. I find it uncomfortable to see it in others now, but I didn't realise how I might have made others feel as a result. It was all said in jest, all fun and games - but how fun is it for the person on the receiving end?

That person is trying to make a positive lifestyle change. Why do we think that it is our business to question their motive for looking after themself? Why did it make a difference to me whether someone else was drinking alcohol or not? If I reflect on it now, I think it was because it made me feel better about my relationship with alcohol. If others were drinking with me, then that was OK. I didn't have a problem. It was normal.

I genuinely thought that an occasion that didn't involve alcohol was dull, a yawn fest and something that I avoided at all costs. I needed a drink to get myself in the mood, to be confident and to be silly.

I lived for the moment, a fun, free spirit who didn't worry about tomorrow. I would deal with the hangover the next day. I had worked hard that week and earned that blowout and earned the recovery time too. After all, it was cool to drink until you dropped.

For some, they can have one or two drinks and then they can call it a night, which is not an issue. However, others are not wired in this way, and one turns to many, and the self destruct button goes off, often taking others down with them.

I was one of these people, and I was trapped in a cyclical loop of drinking, thinking about drinking and recovering from drinking. Freedom and fun are not words that I would use for this behaviour. I'd use these words for how I feel now that I do not drink.

Since giving up and being very public with my journey, several people have reached out to me for help. Their relationship with alcohol to others doesn't seem to be problematic. They are not waking up in the morning and drinking, but they drink every night and binge drink at the weekend. They know that it is affecting their life and they want to make a change.

Their number one issue is that their friends/family/colleagues will judge them if they stop drinking. Assuming that they have a drinking problem if they stop and do not want to take on this label.

I find it ironic to think that someone could believe that the person who IS NOT drinking has a drinking problem, but then again, I was that person not so long ago. Now that I have a new perspective and removed the beer goggles, I can see this now. I used the excuse to raise money for charity to get the break I needed (obviously a win-win situation). It gave me the time to see the benefits and make a lifestyle change without peer pressure (I mean, how horrible would it be to encourage someone to drink when they were raising money for a good cause?), but why does it make a difference, is it not a good cause when it's for our health and wellbeing?

Next time someone isn't drinking, think about how you are around them. Please do not raise your eyebrow and belittle that person for their choice. It might have taken them a lot of courage to say that they are not drinking, and they may need your support more than you know. When you give someone a hard time, it can make them feel guilty. Or, they might not fancy a drink; again, society needs to change this assumption that everyone wants to drink alcohol.

I have been looked at like I have five heads when I have asked for an alcohol-free drink in a restaurant. I am happy to pay for an experience in the same way as others, so why the judgement? There should be a choice available, whether for an evening or as a lifestyle choice. A significant proportion of society cannot drink alcohol and shouldn't be discriminated against because of this.

It's time to change the narrative around drinking. We wouldn't ask someone who stopped smoking why they have stopped, encouraging them to 'just to have one;' we would celebrate the fact that they had given up - so why is it different with alcohol?

If we are all more aware of our behaviour, then we can make a real difference.