Time For Healing
Some how it’s August. Some how it’s been 3 MONTHS since I last updated this blog.
A lot has happened over the last 3 months and I had to take a temporary break to focus on what was going on around me. For those of you who follow me on here, I’m sorry, I promise to be more present over the coming months, investing more time and energy than ever before in this space with you all (have you noticed the new look?)
Firstly, work was hard at the agency I worked at. We tried to stay positive as a team, generating work and being productive, but contracts cancelled on us due to COVID and we weren’t sure when they were coming back. It had taken a long time to get the office to where it was and this was heartbreaking for all involved. Without going into any more detail, it wasn’t easy, something that we all spent time building up had fallen down around us; I feel immensely proud that we all supported each other through these hard times and will always be there to support each other moving forward. If I’d added drink into this equation, I know that I would have been a mess and unable to help anyone. I’m not pretending that I had it all together, all of the time, I didn’t, I had bad days, I had days where I paced around the living room and cried out loud, but I picked myself up and pulled it together when it mattered most.
During this happening, I had a really good day. It was a Sunday and Mr F and I had been out for a morning paddle board, followed by a lovely long dog walk, whilst feeding my brain with the Goop Podcast (about inspirational women who have changed the world for the better nonetheless); we enjoyed a delicious lunch with my sister and her gorgeous family and after I sat on my balcony and captured an image of myself basking in the sunshine, soaking in the vitamin D and good vibes, whilst feeling grateful for what I DO have. Yes life was stressful, but perspective was important and really, we were so blessed for so many things.
An hour after this moment was captured, my husband had an accident. A bad one. I received a call from his best friend exclaiming that he ‘was so sorry, he was in a bad way and on gas and air in an ambulance on the way to hospital’. He was so shaken up, that I instantly thought the worst, I knew at this point that he wasn’t dead (as he was on gas and air), but I thought he must have broken his back or hit his head. His friend was inconsolable and couldn’t get his words out in the right order, it was a while before I made out that he’d really badly injured his foot. He’d cracked it back into place and was in immense pain. Due to COVID I couldn’t contact him or go and see him in hospital and my moment of feeling content quickly turned to worry. I mean how bad could a broken foot be?
He’d gone kite surfing and lost control 20FT in the air. He kicked his board off and landed on the beach in shallow water and shattered his heel into 20 pieces (now you can see where the title of this blog came from). On a scale of 1 - bad, this was bad and he needed a specialist to put it back together again.
Life got a whole lot harder over night. Now I had to look after the both of us on top of everything else. I hadn’t realised how much Mr F actually did (apparently quite a lot.) General tidying around the house, cooking meals and walking the dogs to name a few. I felt overwhelmed by how many things I had to do and I really struggled. The dynamic of our relationship had fundamentally changed and I wasn’t sure that I would cope.
The operation in the UK was a great success and Mr F was under strict instruction to keep his foot up for the next 3 months. I can confirm it’s been a long 3 months. We are on the other side of it now though and most importantly, still talking to each other. His independence is slowly coming back as he can now shuffle around the house and even get down the lane with the dogs in one hand and a stick in the other. I think we definitely both appreciate each other more as a result and will make a special effort to work as a team more.
“Every test in our life makes us bitter, or better. Every problem comes to break us or make us. The choice is ours whether we become Victim or Victor.”
One of the things I really enjoyed during this time was some lockdown learning. I loved Tracey Forsyth’s Coaching sessions with the IoD Jersey. Tracey got me thinking about my own inner critics and champions. What would these look like? I spent some time thinking about what they might say to me if I met them and spent some time drawing them. Meet Negative Nancy and Positive Pamela. Remember, no one is you and THAT is your power - feed Positive Pamela and starve Negative Nancy. Do more of what you love and less of what you don’t - get your balance right and ensure that everything you do is done with purpose and intention. This is a really good way of banishing any gremlins and envisioning how you want your life to be.
It’s not all been doom and gloom. I have also had some fun over the last few months, including a Glasto Themed Party, a friends 50th birthday and 2 of our friends 40ths, where we had the opportunity to meet with friends and dance to great music, dressed up to the max whilst I drank alcohol free beer, mojitos, and sparkly.
Who says you have to be drunk to have a good time?
I celebrated both my year and a half Sober Milestone and my 6th Wedding Anniversary. Noting how much better and easier it gets day by day. Sobriety that is - not marriage ;-)
I went to an afternoon / evening eclectic dance session outside in nature. DJ set up, drums, chanting, cocoa ceremony, fire and lots of smudging. There is nothing more healing then moving your body, every bit of it, moving the energy around that might otherwise get stagnant and lead to illness. It is the most magical experience. On the same note, I have also been going to be gonged as much as possible (easy!). The sound of the gong is truly therapeutic and really helps to balance my otherwise erratic energy. You lie for an hour, whilst the sounds of the different gongs wash over you, it helps to bring you into a deep meditative state. I left wanting to fill my house with gongs, apparently they are quite expensive, so I may have to build up my collection one gong at a time.
I was forced to start cooking more and through the help of Hello Fresh and their easy to follow, tasty recipes I have ensured that Mr F didn’t turn into a human ready meal, whilst he was bed bound!
Drawing has continued to be a life saver, I find it so relaxing and it gives my active mind something to focus on during an evening. It’s nice to create something special for a friend too to keep too.
I haven’t been paddle boarding as much as I anticipated (mainly because I bought the board to go out with hubby), but I have connected with the ocean - definitely embracing it’s healing powers more and more. You feel so tiny in the big blue and once you have moved past the initial cold feeling, it is so refreshing and definitely boosts your mood.
I met with school friends who I haven’t seen for a while. It was so special to get dressed up, spend time hearing their lockdown stories and to enjoy a tasty meal together. The only downside was the lack of alcohol free options on the menu. I ended up drinking water, which was a missed opportunity for the restaurant. This has spurred me on to want to create a universally liked Nocktail named, ‘Sober Jo’, a way to engage the hospitality industry locally and to ensue that there is at least one good option (other that a heineken O) on the menu for people who want the option to enjoy. Why should they be cheated of the experience? I would be prepared to pay for that experience like everyone else and if you do the math, it’s a lot more profit for the restaurant, so a missed opportunity. Watch this space!
Anyway, enough of me rambling on, you all have lives to live! Don’t forget to take some time out to stop and think about what you have and what you are grateful for. It really is so powerful and helps to build a positive mindset…even when you are not feeling so hot. I want you to know that I am so excited about taking the leap into this next chapter with you all and thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of the kindness and support that you have shown me along the way.
Love & Light X