You can’t pour from an empty cup

It may seem obvious, but this metaphor stresses the importance of taking care of you, prioritising self-care, making it about self-preservation and not being selfish.

This starts with getting to know yourself, how much energy you have to give and when you need to stop to recharge. Since giving up drinking alcohol, I have taken the time to get to know myself on a deeper level and to listen to my bodies individual wants and needs more. 

Thinking back to growing up, I always knew that I was different;

I was the child doodling and looking out of the window daydreaming. I struggled with academic subjects; if I wasn’t interested in something then I couldn’t focus on it. I have always been creative, enjoying drawing, writing and theatre. I could speak about 5 different topics all at the same time and I could see people struggling to keep up with me. I’d bounce from one thing to another and then physically bounce around the room like an excitable Tigger from Winnie the Pooh, because of all the nervous energy I had inside of me. It often felt uncontrollable and I had no idea how to preserve it for my own good.

Living on the edge with my battery at around 5%, petrol tank near empty and with at least 20 tabs open on my Internet browser at any given time. I am either hyper focused on something or distracted by everything. 

I now know that I have always been a natural leader and despite being less academic than others and wondering where I fitted, my high energy and passion is put to good use when engaging people, brainstorming and generating excitement. 

I spent most of my adult life trying to get my energy levels right for other people. Am I too much? Too awkward? Too loud? Too hyperactive? Too colourful? Too direct?

I used to self medicate with alcohol, using it to ‘take the edge off’ and to be less anxious or as an excuse to be all of the things that I am naturally, but felt like I needed an excuse to be. I also have an addictive personality, so anything that I do, I do 110% and this used to include drinking alcohol. Some people are wired in a way that means that they do not have an off switch. I can now see the importance of directing that energy and 110% into positive pursuits rather than self-sabotaging behaviour. 

“ ‘To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment’”

— Ralph Walso Emerson

I have always thought of myself as a square peg trying to fit in a round hole. I now embrace my differences and have stopped trying to reshape my edges for everyone else’s benefit. I was always working so hard to make everyone like me that I lost myself in the process; I now know that if you are truly yourself and a nice person with it, the right people will like you, for you, rough edges and all and whether you drink alcohol or not!

With no off switch, a hangover day would almost be an enforced day of rest, feeling too sick to do anything else. Have you ever stopped after a period of being really busy and then got ill afterwards? This is because when you have been wired for so long your adrenal glands burn out. This repetitive cycle is not good for you and makes you feel like you are on an emotional rollercoaster swinging from high to low...and it's exhausting.

Now, rather than rotting on the sofa all weekend recovering from the night before, I make sure that I do something which will help to fill that empty cup, not deplete it further. I can’t tell you how many days I have gained through no longer having a hangover and it really has had a positive impact on my life.

You may be reading this and wondering if I have ever thought about getting diagnosed with Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). ADHD can cause above-normal levels of hyperactive and impulsive behaviors and people with ADHD can have trouble focusing their attention on a single task or sitting still for long periods of time. In my case, I know that I am all of these things and I wonder what that would achieve. Do I need someone who isn’t like me to tell me that I am different? I am aware of my energy and addictive personality and I have compassion and understanding of myself, working with it rather than against it. I personally do not want to medicate and potentially end up removing the spark, creativity and ideas, which make me, me. I now look for activities that help to ground me. 

If, like me, you do everything to the extremes and you are not feeling great because of it, then I ask you - When was the last time that you filled your empty cup with something that might make you feel better, rather than alcohol?

Here are a couple of things that I do to help balance my energy.

Calm App

Find yourself a quiet, comfortable space and do this once a day, this app features meditation, sleep aid, gentle movement and stretching and music designed to help you focus, relax and sleep.

Available to download on the app store.

There is a limited free version of the Calm app and a free 7-day trial of the premium version to get you started.

Gong Bath

I go to a monthly session where you can meditate to the sound of gong vibrations. The sound journey induces rest and relaxation and brings about both peace of mind and greater focus.

Bubble Bath 

Right now, the spa isn’t an option. So, pour a mug of herbal tea, light a candle, create the bubbles and try to sit back and relax. Take a break from your phone too so that distractions are minimal. The world can wait for 20 minutes.

Accessible to anyone with a tub and some nice smelly bath bits.

Bath reading optional – The unexpected joy of being sober.

Get Outside

Take a deep breath, put your favourite playlist or feel good podcast on and get wrapped up warm and go for a short walk. Sometimes you just have to move the energy around. I often dance it off, if you ever spot a lady dancing down the lane walking her two dogs, that is probably me, feel free to smile and wave.

Listening to – Happy Place with Fearne Cotton.